Metacognition
You’ve probably heard it before: “Just focus on yourself.”
It sounds simple—but it’s not always easy.
Because the reality is: our minds wander. To the past. To the future. To what others might be thinking.
And when they do, it’s not just a momentary distraction—it gently reshapes how our brain feels, responds, and makes sense of the world.
What’s happening under the surface?
When you focus on the past, memory networks in the limbic system, especially the amygdala and hippocampus, activate. Your brain begins replaying emotional experiences, often amplifying feelings of fear, regret, or shame.
What you can do: Acknowledge those memories, but look for the learning. Let the past guide your growth, not define your present.
When you worry about the future, areas such as the anterior cingulate cortex and the insula light up. These regions are involved in detecting uncertainty and potential threats, which can heighten anxiety, even when nothing is happening in the present moment.
What you can do: Gently return to the present moment. Ground yourself in what is rather than what might be. Challenge any negative thoughts, ask yourself: What if everything works out?
When you fixate on others, the brain’s mentalising system, including the medial prefrontal cortex and temporoparietal junction, becomes active. This is what allows you to imagine what others might be thinking or feeling.
What you can do: Honour your capacity for connection, but bring the focus back to your own needs and boundaries. You deserve attention as well.
There is another part of your brain that can gently take the lead…
When you return to yourself, with awareness and curiosity, you activate your prefrontal cortex and tap into metacognition: your ability to notice and reflect on your own thoughts and feelings. This is where emotional regulation begins and where clarity lives.
Two Definitions to Consider:
Mentalising is your brain’s ability to understand what others might be thinking or feeling. It helps us connect, empathise, and navigate social situations. However, when overused, it can lead to overthinking, second-guessing, or people-pleasing.
Metacognition is the ability to think about your own thoughts. It’s what allows you to step back, observe what’s happening in your mind, and choose how to respond, rather than reacting automatically. This skill is key to self-awareness and emotional regulation.
Try this:
Next time you feel unsettled, notice where your attention tends to go.
Is it the past? The future? Someone else’s expectations?
Then pause. Breathe.
Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? What thought is behind it?
In that moment, you’re not escaping—you’re observing.
That’s metacognition. That’s how the brain begins to shift.
The power lies not in controlling your thoughts, but recognising them.
If you enjoyed this article, sign up for my newsletter for weekly insights!